It started out innocently enough. I began to think at
parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though,
one thought led to another, and soon I was more than
just a social thinker.
I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I
knew it wasn't true.
Thinking became more and more important to me,
and finally I was thinking all the time. I began to think
on the job.
I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I
couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at
lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka.
I would return to the office dizzied and confused,
asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either. One
evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife
about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her
mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker.
One day the boss called me in. He said, "I like you,
and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become
a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll
have to find another job."
This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss.
"Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a
divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think
as much as college professors, and college professors
don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we
won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she
began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library,"
I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the
library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into
the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors... they
didn't open. The library was closed. As I sank to the
ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for
Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye.
"Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" You probably
recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers
Anonymous (TA )poster.
Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting.
At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last
week it was "Porky's."
Then we share experiences about how we avoided
thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and
things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed...
easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
