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Earthly Treasures
Showing his friend around his his home, Fred started to point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage.
"The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got just to see how much it's all worth."
"But you couldn't possibly know the day before you were going to die, so how could you sell it."
"Simple: If I sell it, my wife would kill me!"
Remove rust: Soak the rusted tool, bolt, or spigot in undiluted Heinz White Vinegar overnight.
There was no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse. ~Quentin Crisp,
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