What do you call a skeleton that won’t get out of bed?
Lazy Bones
What did the wicked chicken lay?
Deviled eggs.
What do you get if you cross Jesse James and Dracula?
A robbery at the blood bank.
What was the werewolf's first name?
Harry (Gary Hallock)
What's black, white, orange, and waddles?
A penguin with a jack-o-lantern.
What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Boo boos. (Clynch Varnadore)
What should you say when you meet a ghost?
"How do you boo, sir? How do you boo?"
Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
Because he is always a goblin.
Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
Because he was in need of a light snack
Where did the vampire open his savings account?
At a blood bank
What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
Don't spook until your spooken to.
What time would it be if five demons were chasing you?
Five after one.
Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the Boos.
What is a ghost's favorite ice cream flavor?
Boo-berry.
How did the ghosts dance at the Halloween ball?
Sheet to sheet. (Richard Lederer and P. C. Swanson)
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on
Halloween?
Ghoul-aid
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Day scare centers. (Clynch Varnadore)
Speaking ill of the dead is a grave mistake. (Tiff Wimberly)
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
Hoblin Goblin.
What does a ghost eat for lunch?
A Boo-logna sandwich.
Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?
Because if they were small and round and smooth they'd be M&Ms
At the Halloween ball the ghosts danced sheet to sheet. (By Richard
Lederer and P. C. Swanson)
Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?
"Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares."
Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
Because people are dying to get in.
Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation.
How can you tell that Doctor Victor Frankenstein had a good sense of
humor?
Because he kept his monster in stitches. (Richard Lederer and P. C.
Swanson)
Where does Dracula water ski?
In Lake Erie, off course. (Norman Gilbert)
What do you call a merry-go-round for ghosts?
A Scare-ousel (Stan Kegel)
Why did the other kids have to let the vampire play baseball?
It was his bat.
What do you call your girl-friend if she becomes a deer whenever
there is a full moon?
A Were-doe (Stan Kegel)
Last Halloween one kid showed up at our door dressed as an IRS agent. It
was very authentic. He took 40 percent of our candy.
What did the momma ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the
street?
Buckle your sheet belt .
What happens when you fail to pay your exorcist?
You get repossessed (Richard Lederer and P. C. Swanson).
What Is the obvious phrase for donating your body to a medical school?
A Dead Give-away (Stan Kegel)
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
He is mist.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern
by it's diameter?
Pumpkin Pi. (Richard Lederer)
What do you get if you cross a mad scientist with another mad scientist?
A horrible par a dox (Gary Hallock)
How do you make a milkshake?
You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"
I think our school is haunted. The principal is always talking about the
school spirit.
Vampire to spouse, “You’ve got to face the facts, your mother is really
nothing but an old bat.”
