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People Who Should Be
Phased Out
** Guy's who always harmonize the last few notes of "Happy Birthday."
** People over 40 who can't put on reading glasses without making self-conscious remarks about their advancing age.
** Guys who wink when they're kidding.
** Men who propose on the giant TV screen at a sports stadium.
** Guys in their fifties who flash me the peace sign and really mean it.
** People with a small patch of natural white hair who think it makes them look interesting.
** Guys with creases in their jeans.
** People who move their lips when I'm talking.
** Guys who want to shake my hand even though we just saw each other an hour
ago.
** A celebrity couple who adopt a Third-World baby and call it Rain Forest.
** Guys who wear suits all day and think an earring makes them cool at night.
** Old people who tell me what the weather used to be where they used to live.
** Men who have one long uninterrupted eyebrow.
** Guys who wink and give the peace sign simultaneously.
** People who say, "Knock, Knock," when entering a room and "Beep Beep" when
someone is in their path.
** People who have memorized a lot of TV-show theme songs and are proud of it.
** Women who think it's cute to have first names consisting solely of initials.
** People who give their house or car a name.
** Guys who can juggle, but only a little bit.
** Actors who drive race cars.
** Men who wear loafers without socks. Especially if they have creases in their jeans.
** Athletes and coaches who give more than a hundred percent.
** Guys who still smell like soap even in the late afternoon.
** Guys who wear their wristwatches on the inside of their wrists.
** Any man who wears a suit and a tie to a ball game.
** Guys who flash me the thumbs up sign. Especially if they're winking and making the peace sign with their other hand.
(by George Carlin)
"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?"
- GEORGE CARLIN
In 1959, George Carlin teamed up with Texas newscaster, Jack Burns. The pair collaborated on a morning radio show in Fort Worth before relocating to Hollywood, where they attracted the attention of the legendary Lenny Bruce. Bruce helped Burns and Carlin secure appearances on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Burns and Carlin eventually split up, and over the next few years Carlin continued to make numerous appearances on The Tonight Show, as well as, The Merv Griffin Show.
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